yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
