Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
