mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
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I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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