Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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