peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize