Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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