So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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