she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
