9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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