Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your cock deserves a montage
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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