I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
