so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm always down for nudity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
