don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
