No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
