I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
