i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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