the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
