yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
