I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
