i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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