Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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