Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
