My hand turned me down
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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