The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
