That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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