The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
