the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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