I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drake has all the answers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
