And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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