Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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