she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
