I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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