In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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