oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
