the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The best revenge is premature balding
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen