Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
