I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
