We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
