You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
