I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just high enough for therapy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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