your parents love me but you hate me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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