3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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