I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
