Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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