I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
