This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
