Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
