i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
