is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
