Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
