First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
