You can't special order awesome
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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