you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
