I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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