I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
