it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
