Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
