but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
