Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
