i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
