Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
