The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
