I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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