i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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