i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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