the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My life is pants optional.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
