I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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