I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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