I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
