'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
