we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
