Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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