is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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