i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
