i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
