my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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