smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
