I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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