um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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