On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
